Hearts Pooches

RIP Cuddles 31st May 2012 approx time 7pm

Date I started writing this post
Friday the 1st of June 2012.
RIP Cuddles 31st May 2012 approx time 7pm
He was born around September 1999.
Cuddles was 12 years of age.
He was a shitzu cross Maltese.
Cream/Blonde in colour.

Well its 6.30am in the morning and I couldn't sleep.
I don't think I have slept that much.
I am trying to write what I am feeling right now but as I try and type the tears come streaming down again.

I feel so worthless to anyone and anything.
You see I feel that I killed my cuddles.

Cuddles was my sons dog that he had when he lived at home.
But I guess in a way he was more my dog, just the other day I was kicking the soccer ball in the back yard for him to play with.

Well it seems that I have killed my dog due to FLEAS.
As best as I can remember I must have forgotten to give the animals there spot on medication and because I forgot I have now killed Cuddles.
I feel that my son blames me for KILLING Cuddles, maybe for not remembering to give him the medication.
I have to ring the vet myself and ask questions but my son had told me the vet recommended to put him to sleep.
Seems cuddles teeth were not so good either.
I guess all the chicken necks, special bones and products that you buy and give your dog really does not work like they claim to, and maybe I don't understand the products so well.

I guess and I feel that now I am being punished for something that I may have done wrong.

There are a lot of reasons I could write down here but regardless of what I write and the reasons it still comes down to the fact it is ALL my fault.

I wish it was me that was gone and not my Cuddles.
I really don't want to be here.

I spoke to 2 of my friends and they both said that he was an old dog.
I guess I never saw or looked at him as an old dog because he was playing like a young pup with my sons other younger dog every day.
I was prepared for his old age as to what to give them as he got older, loosing teeth, needing pet bed warmers and different foods.

I had no idea 12 years of age was classed as an old dog.
I Google it and it seems I was lucky to have him this long.
I have his brother as well still alive.

I put the flea medication on my 2 remaining dogs, Cuddles brother and my sons other dog on the 31st May 2012.
I am going to set up a reminder to do their medication so I don't kill another dog.

This only took around 2 days to happen.
You see I noticed he wasn't eating a certain brand or flavour of food, I thought he didn't like it, so I opened another flavour to give him but he didnt like that either.
So I waited and gave him a another flavour and he ate that.
That was a wet food.
The next day I tried to give him some dry food and he just turned it away.
I even took him to a private place so he could eat but he didn't want that either.
I was watching him carefully because i didn't want a repeat of what happened to his brother Roly.

The next day (31st may 2012)I saw him drinking, I also looked around the yard for any unusual droppings.
I saw that he struggled to get up the stairs and I thought because winter was hitting us it was Arthritis kicking in with him.
I picked him up and took him up the stairs and then I watched him.
It was around lunch time and I brought him out the front yard to watch him closer and he started vomiting yellow bile, not the watery kind but like a mucus.
I took him in to wash the vomiting off him and as I washed him I noticed the colour of the water, i was like oh no.
So I cleaned him up as best I could, dried him and kept him warm.
There were times he wanted to vomit again and he was dry reaching.

I was sitting out the front cuddling him in my arms, just like you do with a baby.Darn tears
I rang and left a message with my son that we need to get him to the vet.
I did make my son aware the night before (Tuesday Night) when he visited that cuddles was getting sick,
I also asked his friend that came here on the Monday to let my son know that Cuddles was getting sick.

I laid cuddles down and went and had a shower,
I rang my son to see if he got my message that I had left him on his mobile,he said yes and he had organised to take Cuddles to the vet on the Saturday, I said no he needs the vet tonight.

Then I sat back with him (Cuddles) on the lounge, he laid with me for a short time to cuddle in I guess.
I just cried and cried because I feared I was going to loose him too.
I only just recently lost his brother Roly and now I was loosing him too.

Then he got up again because he was feeling sick again and this time he vomited up blood specks.
I saved the tissues that I wipe the mess with for the vet to see.

He was dehydrated, he was loosing weight fast because he wasn't eating.
I tried to get him to take water but he wouldn't.
I looked for the medication I had for Roly to try and get him to drink but I couldn't find it.
I tried to remember where I put it but I forgot.

Go figure I found it after he was put to sleep.

As best as I can write it here, in a matter of time he ended up anemic because of the fleas so the vet told my son.
I missed his flea medication and he died from it.So I Killed Cuddles and I hope God punishes me for doing this.

I checked the other 2 dogs and yes they had some fleas and as I mentioned above gave them their flea treatment straight away.

One of my friends said to me why didn't the other 2 get affected the same as cuddles, that answer i don't know and maybe Cuddles had the same cancer as Roly did.

I will never know.

The vet told my son that cuddles would need to have a blood transfusion and to be hospitalized and I would have done that but my son said no because he was an old dog and he may live for just a few weeks or months past that.

ME I still would have done it.
I would have given him the chance, I would have tried to prolong his life and give him the benefit of the doubt. But that's me.
I don't know how much this would have cost but I will ask that today when I speak to the vet.

I am going to publish this writing in the hope this helps another pet owner.
I will edit and or add on when I find out anything but for now it is all my fault that cuddles has passed away.
I killed my dog cuddles.

Find as many ways as possible to remind you to give your pets their flea treatment.
Make more reminders than you need.